Eating ≠ gaining weight, dieting ≠ losing weight.

Havent been blogging for quite awhile cos i havent got much t blog about for the past week. My life's so mundane. Everyday's like so standard. Haha

I was reading Rachel Wong's blog the other day and read her post on living well, which i thought was very inspiring and also a very important reminder for many people out there. So i thought of sharing my own experience as well.

I'm sure a lot of girls, or even guys out there, wanna lose weight cos of peer pressure, influences from the media or cos you mind what others say or think about you.

For me, i think it's more of what others say or think about me. I'm pretty sensitive and i think sometimes even if someone says sth tt he/she doesnt really mean it, i might take it t heart. So, i rmb a friend once asked me why i'm so big sized when i was in sec school. I know he was prob joking and just wanted t ka jiao me but i felt kinda hurt and took it t heart. That was prob when everything kinda started.

Back in sec school, i was about 54-55kg, 1.65m tall. I cant really find pictures of me during my sec sch days but i guess i'm pretty much the same size during my poly yr 1 days.

This was me in Oct'07, i think i've alrd gained abit of weight by then

I was quite conscious about my weight even before my friend made tt remark, but i think it got worse after tt, even though tt remark was only one of the factors tt made me go on a diet. My appetite was quite small all along and i think i made it even smaller when i was in sec sch. But of course, not t the extent tt i'd only eat a meal a day. 

I was from band in sec sch and we took part in both indoor and outdoor competitions. I rmb tt even during band practices for outdoor comp, when we had t march under the hot sun for the whole day, i can just survive on a bottle of 100plus and maybe some snacks (or not) for lunch, only having breakfast and dinner a day. Even my seniors and section mates were shocked and worried by how little i ate and yet manage t survive through the tough training. 

Back then, i didnt know how t enjoy and appreciate good food, i didnt see a point in spending much on food cos it didnt really make sense t me. So dieting for me wasnt really such a huge issue. BUT, instead of losing weight, i gained weight instead. My plan backfired. 

I started having gastric pains, indigestion, bad complexion and all sort of health issues. I feel bloated all the time, gastric and stomach flu became my bestest 'friend'. It's like they'll visit me every other mth. Cos of indigestion, i gained weight no matter how little i ate, and i was at my heaviest when i was in poly yr 2/3, at 62-63kg (UK10-12). 

Back in 2008, one of the fattest pic i could find. Haha. Look at my arms and my chubby face! Cutting short hair definitely wasnt a great idea.

A bit blur, just wanna show how fat my arms and thighs are

How bad my face condition got, those red spots are hideous and my face was so oily ):

It was so bad i ended up going t specialists, spending hundreds and thousands of dollars trying t get treated, taking all sorts of medications, going through all sorts of scans and tests. I got so conscious i'd try t avoid taking pictures or wearing sleeveless clothes, i'd try t wear cardigan/jacket t cover up my fat arms most of the time. I've always lacked self confidence and gaining weight and being fat brought my self confidence even lower. I even started calculating my calorie intake t make sure i didnt overeat. I'd weigh myself every morning t see if i've gained any weight tt it's alrd become a habit. 

It really wasnt worth it at all. Even though i'm feeling a lot better now as compared t last time, i still get gastric pains once in a while though im pretty much used t it, i feel bloated quite often and i dont/cant eat much cos i feel full (or rather bloated) very easily. My complexion is better as well after consulting a few doctors, but those acne left me w scars on my face. I had t have exclusions when i buy insurances. It even affected my internship grade cos i had t take MC a few times t go for doctor appointment. (sadly my supervisor didnt understand my condition and penalised me for taking MCs ): )

I do agree w Rachel tt being skinny doesnt mean being pretty or happy, and definitely not healthy either. I think there're too many negative influences out there tt often shows tt being skinny means being pretty, like using size 0 models etc. For my case, dieting backfired. But i think for some out there, they really lost a lot of weight and became anorexic or have eating disorders. 

I strongly urge those who are dieting t lose weight t stop dieting and start eating and losing weight the right way instead of the unhealthy way. After all tt i've been through, all the test and medicine (i absolutely hateeee taking medicine), i've come t realise tt being healthy and happy is all tt matters. I started eating more healthily and cutting down on junk food. And i started appreciating and enjoying food. Never waste your calories on crappy food right? Haha.

Now tt i'm healthier, i actually did start t lose weight, and lost quite a bit last yr (PS. i did not take any slimming pills/detox drinks or whatsoever). My complexion is significantly better as well, and i've been religiously washing my face and applying cream as instructed by my doc. I honestly have no idea how i lost weight during the past year but almost everyone arnd me have been telling me tt i've lost weight. I didnt really think so until i saw this polaroid pic in bf's wallet and compared it t a recent one.

Left taken in 2011, right taken in oct'12. I think my face look a lot rounder and my arms a lot flabbier back then? Idk if it's just me or it really is. Haha

I'm fluctuating between 50 and 51kg now, standing at about 1.67m. Even my doctor was shocked tt i lost so much weight, she suspected tt i was anorexic or had some eating disorders. How can it be when i'm always posting pictures of food and exploring new food joints! Haha. I dont think i'm really skinny now like what everyone else is saying and i still hope t lose abit more. (my ideal weight was actually 50kg but when you've reached your target you''d set a new target again. haha =/ ) But at least i know this time, i didnt lose weight unhealthily. I felt a whole lot healthier as compared t the past. 

So, eating doesnt mean you'd grow fat and dieting doesnt mean you'd lose weight either. I guess i just started t take note of what i eat and try not t eat fried food/unhealthy/fattening stuff so often (i think i havent had KFC for yrs), and most importantly not t overeat. Even during my sec days when i had KFC i would use tissue to suck as much oil as i could and try t remove almost all the fats i could see from the chicken. That was how extreme i went, and i rmb my friend saying tt i made her lose her appetite by doing so. Haha =/ And i cant rmb when was the last time i had my starbucks drink w whip cream and full cream milk, i'd usually ask for non-fat and no whip. All these are just a few of the changes i've done t my diet and trying t be conscious and i guess all the tiny and insignificant things add up t a really big deal!

I dont usually finish my food cos i know tt finishing = feeling bloated after tt (my bf usually finishes my food haha). And also cos i always had the habit of drinking water or soup or whatever when i eat so i feel full even faster. My bf would kinda control me from drinking too much, sometimes he'd place my drink at the far end of the table so tt i'd eat more instead of drink more. I take more small meals instead of 3 heavy meals. I'm sure a lot of you are aware tt taking small meals would help in losing weight.

Even though i dont exercise regularly but i make it a point t go jogging once in awhile or cycle on the exercise bike (idk what it's called) at night when i'm watching tv. I think taking supper are one of the deadliest factors as well. Whenever i had supper the previous night, i noticed tt my weight gained a lil the next morning.

And i think taking breakfast prob helped a bit? Since everyone says tt breakfast is the most impt meal of the day. So i made it a point t take breakfast every morning. And also i think having the same goals w your bf/gf or close friends you'd meet often would help. Cos you guys will push each other. Bf got kinda conscious now himself so it kinda influences me and sometimes he'll control me from eating or munching on snacks late at night and stuff like tt. So i guess tt kinda helps as well.

I really didnt know tt i was tt fat in the past until i went t dig out pictures from the past. Even my bf said i look like i was swollen. Haha. I guess it served as a very impt lesson for me and i wouldnt choose t diet ever again. I enjoy eating now and i think losing weight the healthy way is the right way. And since i've been through the 'being fat' stage, i wouldnt wanna go back t tt point of time anm. I'd monitor my weight and whenever i think i've gained a lil i'd make it a point t go jogging or do a bit of exercise t at least maintain my current weight and hopefully manage t lose more, but of course NOT by dieting. I'd still feel very fat on certain days and esp when i see skinny and pretty girls out there, i'd feel inferior. But i'm sure t say tt i wouldnt trade my health just t be skinny, ever.

I hope those of you reading this post would feel the same too and cherish your health more than anything. Don't regret when it's already too late. Going through those treatments are really no joke, and you're not the only one suffering but your parents and those who care about you would be suffering tgt w you as well. So pls eat healthy, be healthy and stay healthy ok? Don't diet t such an extreme state which will put your own health at risk!

Last of all, TGIF! Have a great wkend ahead! (:

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